Up and Down

Now you see there are days - sometimes many, many days in row - that I feel so very low I can't see the wood for the trees.

Some of you may know that historically I have suffered from depression, not treated medically until after my son was born but I believe that it started when I was 17.

The thing about depression is that people even in this enlightened day and age, think it's about just being a bit unhappy. "It's Monday - I'm so depressed!" for example. What really gets me is people who think that having depression is a choice .

Choose to be happy.
Choose to smile.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.
Choose to be positive.
You might not have shoes but there's someone out there with no feet.

Yes, all true.

But.

But.

Do you wear glasses ? Are you say, diabetic ? Do you get sea sickness ?

What if I told you you could positively think your way out of your short sightedness ? Or the non functioning of your pancrveas, or your inner ear messing you about ?

You can't do it. 
I can't either.

I stopped taking the Citalopram some time ago because I wanted to fight this on my own and to be honest, I think I manage pretty well on the whole, given the tightness of money and the stress of having teenage children. I don't tell myself Well Done enough I reckon (no-one else will !) .

Today has been a Good Day. I think that warm sunshine always helps that process. I have made paper plate lion heads in Breakfast Club ; got overly enthusiastic about Prime numbers with my maths group (yes, 73 IS the best number, thank you Dr Sheldon Cooper ! the kids now think I am actually a lunatic) ; heard all about their trip to the local adventure centre (sleepwalking, nudity, incontinence and laser tag - all human life apparently was there !) . In between all the other daily tasks - yes - the ironing is up to date, and the pork chops are looking good for dinner when Mister Champers eventually turns up (the Man With No Mobile has gone to the dentist for an emergency appointment. Oh. Pork chops maybe not such a good dinner choice ...)

Yes; today has been a Good Day. And although it is true that smiling and just plain being nice to people, and genuinely interested in them , is a good way to make yourself feel good, some days, if I'm grey of face and down turned of mouth, it's because I am silently crying. (Sometimes I am actually crying ...sorry!)

But.

Today has been a Good Day.